The Akagi Complex
by Blackfire 18
Summary: Dr. Ritsuko Akagi is a rather secretive person, she does not talk about herself much, she deems she has nothing to talk about. Misato does not believe her, however, and when the doctor is acting a little quiet, the former decides to pry a bit in the docto


**The Akagi Complex**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters there within.**

Misato cast a wary glance at her friend and companion. The doctor had all but fallen into her silent brooding of late, and it had come to disturb Misato; although the latter was not usually bothered by Ritsuko's silence, there was, for some momentous, gut-wrenching feeling, something about this chilled silence that settled ill in her stomach.

"How are you doing there, Ritsuko?" Misato asked tentatively. If Ritsuko appeared at all surprised, she had done well at hiding it.

"I'm getting along." The blonde answered after a moment's thought.

"And what sort of answer is that?" Misato questioned, not so easily turned away by the nonchalance in the doctor's tone. Ritsuko raised one carefully procured eyebrow, her striking green eyes slid from her intense work on the computers before her to the inquiring eyes of the Operations Major.

"Why the sudden interest?" Ritsuko said impassively.

"You know Rit, I've come to realize something."

"And what would that b—"

"You never talk about yourself; you usually just sit quietly and don't speak much at all."

"Well, I—"

"I mean, whenever we go out to a bar or anywhere social, I'm usually the one that does all the talking..."

"Maybe it's because y—"

"You usually just let me jabber my mouth away and you sit there like a stone. You never say much about yourself! Why is that?"

Ritusko exhaled a sigh, pausing for a moment to ensure the Major was finished with another one of her elongated, uninterruptible speeches; apparently her years of being mute had still not worked out of her system and Misato was still pulling triple time to make up for it. The scientist looked up at the Major, whose dark eyes were wide with anticipation, was Ritsuko finally going to reveal herself? The woman in question sighed again tiredly, turning back to her humming computers which awaited her deftly fingered commands. Now that she had finally been given a turn to speak, she was not much up for it.

"There's nothing much to say about me." She said quietly.

"What are you talking about? You're a brilliant scientist—what with the inventing of the Magi, a head technician, and analyzing the research data for the Eva units; you're the brains of the operation!"

"Those were my mother's achievements, not mine." The doctor's eyes glazed over as she stared at the words that hovered on her computer screen, but her eyes did not read them. Even Misato could feel that she had hit a raw nerve in the doctor's composure, the Operations Director bit her lower lip, thinking of some way to make it up to her.

"Hey, why don't we go out for a bit?" She flashed Ritsuko a big and sincere smile. "I'm sure you could use the break."

"I really have quite a bit of work to do though, Major…"

Misato exhaled a playfully impatient sigh.

"Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, you work too hard. With the power invested in me, I grant you the afternoon to relinquish your duties and goof off."

"Misato…"

"Come on, Rit, when's the last time you saw anything besides artificial sunlight?"

"Well, I suppose I could use a breath of fresh air." Ritsuko finally consented, moving to stand from her chair.

"Great! I'll drive." Misato volunteered cheerfully and it was here Ritsuko paused.

"Uh, maybe I should drive Misato…"

"Don't be silly! You deserve a break; you can just kick back and let me worry about the traffic."

The blonde scientist folded her arms over her chest and shut her eyes.

"If I go with you Misato, I will be the one to drive. That would be one less stress for me to worry about." The doctor said teasingly.

"Say," Misato frowned, watching as the scientist retrieved her purse, "if I didn't know any better, I would think you do not appreciate my driving capability very much."

"Now where did you get an idea like that?" Ritsuko taunted with a jaunty twirl of her car keys. Misato smiled and followed the doctor out of the doorway.

* * *

"Misato, maybe you should cut back on the drinks…"

"Ahhh, what're you talkin' about? I'll know when I've had 'nuff to drink…an' this one ain't it." Misato slurred huskily and winked at a slightly flustered Ritsuko and downed the rest of her beverage, before slamming the glass back on the table to join the five others she had already polished off. Ritsuko sighed and shook her head. Sometimes Misato could act so brashly. The blonde was glad they had decided to sit in a booth instead of at the bar, but the way Misato was ordering drinks left and right had the poor waiters ferrying between their booth and the bar like some sort of performing circus act.

"Didn't you say you were hungry?" Misato asked as yet another drink was placed before her.

"I think I've lost my appetite after that spectacle." Ritsuko replied mildly, eyeing all of Misato's empty glasses.

"You've hardly touched anything of yours." Misato said pointedly, ignoring Ritsuko's jab and glancing at an empty glass and a full, untouched glass before the doctor.

"You do recall that you forced me out of the office to come here?" The blonde sat back and raised her eyebrows.

"And you're not having fun yet?" Misato sighed and slumped forward dramatically. "What am I going to do with you, Dr. Akagi?"

"Oh, I don't think I'm quite as impossible as you, Misato." Ritsuko smiled and Misato flashed the other woman a grin.

"I'm not so sure about that." Then Misato appeared to sober up as a serious expression crossed her face. How the dark-haired woman did this, Ritsuko had never really been able to determine. "You've been pretty quiet these past few days. What's been on your mind?"

The doctor's gaze slipped from her companion's.

"A lot of things." She shrugged vaguely.

Misato was leaning over the table now, her loose, raven hair falling into her empty glasses.

"It's a man, isn't it?"

Ritsuko looked sharply at the woman opposite her, startled. Misato barked with glee at having pinned the problem at last. Several heads turned to look at the pair of them and Ritsuko sank a little in her seat.

"Not so loud, Misato." She whispered harshly to her drunken friend. Misato appeared entirely unfazed.

"I should have known," Misato continued as though the scientist had said nothing, "who is this guy and why's he got you down…" she gasped suddenly then spoke in a growling whisper. "It's not Kaji, is it?"

Ritsuko sighed impatiently with a slight roll of her eyes.

"No. I leave that particular situation exclusively to you and your specific, ahem, brand of men."

Misato was immediately on the defensive.

"I do _not_ like Ryoji Kaji, that drunken womanizer," Misato shook her head firmly as though to clear it, "No, no, we're not discussing me; we're discussing you. Now who is this guy and what has he done? I want a straight answer!"

"It's nothing, Misato." Ritsuko said evasively, and it was not the first time Misato felt as though the doctor was hiding specific, important information from her. These strong feelings sometimes made Misato question their friendship, but then she would usually drown these doubts in booze… "Don't worry about me."

"You're hiding things from me again." The raven-haired woman accused, staring hard at Ritsuko, Misato saw the other woman's lips twitch faintly. The scientist's head tilted slightly to one side.

"I don't know what you mean."

Another evasive answer.

Misato's brow slid into a mock frown.

"Would you get drunk already, so you can just spill your guts?" she lamented. Ritsuko chuckled.

"Not a chance. As I've said before, I have quite a bit of work yet to do…"

"Oh you must be kidding," Misato groaned. "You're going back to work after this?" Ritsuko hummed her agreement. Misato clucked her tongue in disapproval. "You workaholic. What happened to the shot-queen I knew in college?"

Ritsuko rubbed uncomfortably at one temple with her fingertips, obviously not too proud of the memory. "That was a long time ago, Misato. It's better to stay in the here and now." She spoke as though she were in a trance, gazing off at something in the distance. With a sinking recognition, Misato knew she was not going to wrestle any further information out of the doctor. She exhaled a tired sigh, drawing the doctor's attention across the table at her.

"All right then, I suppose we can go back, but the next time we come here, I had better see sommore alcohol pass your lips. You're too tense around the office. We come to a bar to relax and I expect you to loosen up next visit." Misato slid out of the booth to stand, nearly toppling over at the action. Ritsuko caught the other woman by the shoulder to steady her, laughing softly.

"I'm sure you have already relaxed for the both of us, Misato."

"Har, Har." Misato said sarcastically, alcohol-induced breath spilling over Ritsuko's face, but the latter did not seem to mind, other than turning her head to one side as she held firm to the teetering Major. "So what d'you intend to work on when we geh back?" Misato asked as they made their way to the exit. The waiters seemed happy to see them go.

"A case file." Ritsuko said after a short pause. "I will actually need to stop by my apartment to pick up the hard drive. Do you mind?"

"Nnn."

Ritsuko took that as a "No" and helped her friend into the passenger side of her car.

* * *

"You always keep this place so spotless. How do you find the time to do it?"

Misato cast her gaze this way and that, narrowly avoiding a kick to the cat that darted between her legs. She had sobered up somewhat on the drive over and was able to walk on her own.

"It's not that hard, if you don't let it fall short of a pig sty in the first place." Ritsuko gave Misato a meaningful glance over her shoulder before entering her kitchen.

"I don't know what you mean." Misato said loftily as she followed the doctor and leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen, observing silently as Ritsuko opened a few cans of cat food. There was a…catpile as several hungry felines wound their way around the doctor's legs, purring and meowing for her to hurry with her preparations. Misato smiled softly as she saw her friend's lips turn into an unabashed smile and heard her murmur sweet nothings to the small, furry creatures.

Misato felt guilty for the doctor, she needed a man (even the one she unintentionally implied she had would do), or at least some more friends. Well, considering the service they worked for, neither notion really seemed readily accessible.

It was another moment before Ritsuko stood with her hands in the pockets of her coat, quietly observing her cats as they ate happily.

"I'll just get that hard drive now." Ritsuko said almost absently. "I have several; it may take me some time to find the file." She moved forward to the room adjacent which held her many computers.

"What, you don't know where they are offhand?" Misato teased.

"You are welcome to look…" Ritsuko offered without breaking her stride, already knowing Misato would refuse. She was not disappointed.

"No, that's all right. I'll leave that to you."

Misato heard the older woman chuckle as she disappeared into the back room.

"You can sit and relax if you like." Ritsuko's muffled voice offered.

"Will do." Misato was feeling a little dizzy now that the alcohol was working out of her nervous system. She dimly noted that she would have to drink twice as much next time to make the feeling last. Suddenly, a tickling sensation rippled up her leg. Misato's gaze shot downward to see a stripped tabby happily rubbing her shin.

"Hey kitty, that tickles," Misato giggled softly to the feline. She moved down to pet the feline, but when she stepped back, her heel caught another unfortunate cat and she stumbled backward into a stack of papers. Ritsuko would be furious with her if things were falling out of place during her stay. With a startled grunt, Misato spun around to steady the stack, but despite her best efforts, an item that had been sitting on the very top of the pile fell loose. The major hoped that Ritsuko had not heard as she glanced nervously over her shoulder to check if the doctor had appeared through the doorway, hands on hips, complete with glare. She did not. With the papers securely stabilized, Misato exhaled a sigh of relief, as she let her hands fall to her sides. That had been a close one. Stooping to retrieve the fallen envelope, she saw that the letter within had slipped halfway out. She picked it up and studied it, then flipped it over to read the front. There in a tight and tidy scrawl was written:

_To Ritsuko_

Misato glanced over her shoulder; her curiosity was getting the better of her. Still gazing at the doorway, she tentatively removed the letter from its envelope and opened it up. Finally, her eyes turned hungrily to the print there and with a shock, she discovered who had written the letter to her friend.

_My Dearest Ritsuko,_

_I have always wanted to apologize to you. I realize I was never a very good mother—only fostering you as my child when it was convenient for me. I am such a terrible person. My work has so consumed me that it toppled you as a priority from my life—and for that, I am sorry._

_But I do have my reasons…_

_If I had appeared less than enthusiastic about your acceptance into GEIHRN, it was because I did not want you to follow the same path I had taken. This place, it does something to you—just short of devouring you whole. It is the life of a hermit, a mole. It is so terribly lonely and it is suffocating. I was at once pleased and horrified that you had still wanted to be like me, even after my shortcomings as a maternal figure. God knows you are fiercely intelligent; how quickly you are learning the systems I have created and devising even more proficient techniques at managing them. I have always been deeply impressed by you. It does, however, heighten that intensity of fear in that frail existence within me that is maternal. People would seek to extort that fierce intellect of yours._

_So I must beg of you, do not follow the path I have taken, for it will only bring you regret and despair. Do not get into too friendly of relations, especially with Ikari; he will crush your heart and devastate your soul. He has only one love; one selfish love that would destroy any who dare stand before it. Be always wary of him. If ever I have given you any worthwhile advice, this would be my best._

_Ritsuko, I may not have shown it often, but I am so proud of you, my brilliant daughter. I know you will surpass my talents and the limits that I have set on you. Have faith in your own abilities, they will one day take you beyond the stars._

_I love you,_

_Mother _

Misato felt her breath catch in her throat. Was this why Ritusko had been behaving so unhappily at work? Had she just found this letter recently and it had shaken her up?

Misato felt sorrow for her friend along with a twinge of her own envy. Sorrow for the words that appeared to be written too late for Ritsuko, and envy on her own behalf for not having a letter like this from any of her own family.

A sudden movement in Misato's peripheral vision caused her heart to skip a beat and her stomach to flip. She looked up to see Ritsuko standing just outside the kitchen doorway, a hard drive held idle at her side. Misato's jaw dropped. The other woman was staring at her with such intense eyes. The Operation's Major was stumbling on how to deliver an apology for such an intrusion of privacy, but the doctor spoke for her.

"Her apology came too late, and her praise as well." Ritsuko said lowly. "She was a fool…and I have followed in her footsteps."

Misato stared at her friend in shock; it was like she had become an entirely different person right before her eyes.

"I should have known long ago…and for all my intense study of science and psychology, for all my intelligence; I am a greater fool than she was." Ritsuko's eyes drifted to the letter before turning sharply back up to Misato. "Do you know how she died?"

The woman paused for Misato to answer; the Major was horrified. This woman before her was no longer Ritsuko; this woman before her was crazed, dangerous. The raven-haired woman had to nod, the silence was thick and tense.

"She threw herself from the upper balcony of the Magi. The very one I have to work at to keep the system's running. I was young then, I didn't understand why she would even consider such a thing, but I've recently found out why. I've determined _why_ that was the only means left available to her after…after…" Ritsuko turned away from Misato, unable to continue. The hard drive slipped from her fingers and fell with a mild crash to the floor. The few cats that had come to wind themselves around the scientist dashed away in fright.

Misato was utterly stunned at the sudden transformation of her companion's demeanor. It was so unlike her usual professionalism, it was almost, frightening. The Major was beginning to understand why the doctor was adamant about not talking of her past. A moment passed where the blonde woman was doing her best to control sobs to a shaking tremor and a sort of coughing wheeze, until Misato knew instinctively what Ritsuko needed.

Misato came forward and wrapped Ritsuko in a tight hug. The doctor jumped at the action, but did not pull away. Slowly, Ritsuko returned the embrace, leaning more heavily into the Major. Misato compensated the sudden weight, and held the other woman until the shaking stopped and the muffled sounds ceased. Another moment passed in which the doctor seemed to compose herself.

"Thank you, Misato." She murmured, ashamed of her outburst, as she pulled away from her friend. Misato shook her head.

"Well, hopefully you are feeling a little bit better. That was building up for awhile there, huh?"

Ritsuko shyly nodded, avoiding Misato's gaze.

"Just know that I'm always here for you," Misato smiled and nudged Ritsuko, "and you'd have to be pretty hard pressed to keep a secret from me!"

Finally Ritsuko smiled at her friend guiltily, brushing stray tears from her cheeks, as Misato stooped for the drive that lay patiently on the floor.

"Ready to go back to being Miss Workaholic again?" Misato's foolish grin had returned. "I get to drive this time; that will keep your mind off everything but fear for your very life. Come on!" Misato hugged her friend once more around the shoulders then tugged twice at Ritsuko's lab coat before heading out the door. Ritsuko exhaled a soft sigh, a mixture of relief and exasperation.

She began to walk for the door, but spotted her mother's letter forgotten on the floor. Ritsuko picked up the letter, staring at it for a moment, one of so many of its kind, then replaced it on the top of her stack of papers.

Silently, she followed Misato out.

* * *

**Author's Note: Misato is still my favorite in the Evangelion series, though the brooding, generally melancholy Ritsuko is a tight second. I've been wanting to a write a fanfiction centering on their relationship for a good long time now, and I'm pleased to finally have finished this one. Misato is always up to do something fun with Ritsuko, but Ritsuko is a bit more strained towards people it seems, who could blame her? I just love those looks Ritsuko can give sometimes. I could ramble on about minor details for ages...**

**I actually wanted Dr. Naoko Akagi's letter to be a bit more heartfelt, a bit more in length and detail, but I drew a blank on her character, there just was not enough of Dr. Akagi Senior in the anime for me to do a proper analysis. And ack, that crying scene! I'm sure they've both had a good cry before, I hope I made this bit convincing enough!**

**Really, I was probing like Misato, trying to figure Dr. Akagi out. I will admit, it was somewhat difficult! Poor Misato...**

**Anywho, tell me what you all think, please leave a review!**

**Blackfire 18**


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